My Addiction
by angel17712
Summary: Vida has a horrible addiction, and comes to the realization that what she's doing is wrong. She goes to end the addiction and finds out that maybe it wasn't as wrong as she thought. XV


My Addiction

Last Revised-7/5/07

Disclaimer- I do not own any of the Power Rangers, nor am I affiliated with them. If I were, well...never mind. I also do not own the lyrics to "Addicted" By Kelly Clarkson.

A/n- This little beauty came to me when I was listening to the above song. Take that and you add in the fact that someone I know was craving something great for this pairing, and you get this! This one is dedicated to Enigmaforum, who was my inspiration for this! Love ya bunches!

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I don't even remember how this whole thing started. Honestly. You could torture me, tickle me, bribe me, whatever; the answer would still be the same. All I do remember is that one second we were both talking and the next, I couldn't tell where he ended and I began. Neither of us were exactly virgins, so I didn't necessarily feel guilty about that. The part that was the worst was that I wanted it more than I should have. I wanted to do it with him more than once, and I wanted it to be more than what it was between us. But I knew he wouldn't, and I never told him that I wanted more.

We ended up meeting like that, and very frequently. It was usually after a battle, where one or both of us needed to just forget, for the pain to go away. Without a word, his lips would meet mine, clothes would be flung astray, and I'd get that feeling back that I needed, missed, longed for. He was my drug, and I was addicted to what he offered. Most of the time, it was hard and somewhat painful. The pain took me away, offered me an out. And there was never a time when I didn't take it. It didn't matter where we did it or when; I just knew that he had what I wanted and I took it.

One night, after a particularly great "meeting", I found myself laying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought. We had done it several times, and rather than it being fast and hard, he was soft and sweet. He had never been that way before, and it scared the living crap out of me. I needed it to be hard and fast, but no matter how many times I tried to instigate it, he wouldn't listen. Instead, he would kiss me everywhere; my lips, my neck, my legs and feet. I remember thinking about how good he was at turning me into a puddle with only a kiss. Our meeting, however, reminded me of something: I could go back to him no matter how much I wanted, and it still wouldn't seem right. I had to make it right; I had to tell him the truth. The worst part about it was that I tried to rationalize that what I was doing to him was okay.

The next day, after having agonized over the decision all night, I met him where we usually met up. I was surprised to find him nude and laying on the bed with only a sheet covering the lowest portion of his torso. Rather than wake him up, I chose to watch him as he slept. He looked so at peace and so gentle, a look of calmness over his features. My eyes roamed over his chest, seeing fading bruises and bite marks from previous trysts and newer ones from our tryst from last night. The sheet barely covered him, but that didn't help much anyway. I knew what was under the sheet, and it didn't shame me. He was always able to hit me in that sweet spot, where both pleasure and pain assaulted my senses, making me scream out in bliss. My hands reached out of their own accord and began stroking, touching, feeling. He stirred awake, his brown eyes meeting my dark ones. For a second, we both stared into each other's eyes, neither of us wanting to break the moment that we were having, one where nothing mattered but us together. Those moments were what made me come to the decision that I came to: I had to tell him that I couldn't do this anymore. Before he could say anything, I spoke first.

"Hey."

"Hey. I was wondering when you were gonna get here."

"I had to think some, clear my head a little, you know?"

He nodded his head in understanding. "Are you okay?"

It was moments like those that made me feel horrible for what I was doing to him, what we were doing to each other. The moments where he was just achingly sweet that made me just want to kiss him all over, where he made me feel like the only girl in the room that he would ever have eyes for. It was because of these moments that made me realize that I had to be up front and honest with him. I met his eyes uneasily, and had to turn from them and walk away. I knew that if I looked in his eyes again, I would never be able to do what I had to.

"I can't do this anymore. I don't even know what _this _is, anymore. What are we doing, Xander? Why are we doing this?" I questioned.

I heard him rise from the bed, and I fervently prayed that he had a sheet wrapped around his waist. I turned and watched him walk towards me, and to my annoyance, he was as naked as the day he was born, and he didn't care one bit. "You're overanalyzing things again, Vida. We just happen to be best friends who have an excellent shag whenever the fancy hits us," he told me, in that smooth voice of his. "There doesn't have to be a _this_, and you know as well as I do that we both need it, want it, crave it like there's no tomorrow."

"But that doesn't make it right," I protested as I turned away from him once more. "I'm using you, and I can't keep doing this."

He grabbed me and pinned me against the wall, with one arm on either side of my head. "You can't or won't?" he asked harshly.

Swallowing nervously, I answered him. "Both." I looked everywhere but at him. He realized what I was doing and I could have sworn that I caught a grin that had nothing on the devil's on his face. His face slowly descended on mine, his lips ghosting over my face, brushing kisses on it that felt like someone was sliding silk everywhere, but left a trail of passion a mile long and marking me as his. I had to close my eyes and imagine that I was somewhere, anywhere else, and that he wasn't torturing me like this. A moan threatened to escape my lips, forcing me to bite my lip to hold it back. He stopped his ministrations, and that time, I couldn't hold back the moan, this one of disappointment. I met his eyes and quickly became angry to see that there was a smirk on his face. Rather than continue looking at me, he seized my lips in a brutal kiss, nipping at them, making me gasp out. He took the opportunity to stroke my tongue with his, using his quick hands to divest me of my clothing. Before I could protest, I was standing before him in only a bra and thong.

We had already gone too far, and I knew that it had to stop. "Xander, please let me go."

He pretended to look thoughtful for a minute before shaking his head. "No, I don't think I will. I know you want me, just as much as I want you. You came here, knowing that this could happen, that it would happen. Don't try and tell me that you thought differently. You came here because you crave me like I crave you." His hands snaked up my body, caressing me while he attacked my neck with hot, open-mouthed kisses. His hand found the snap of my bra, and with a deft flick of the wrist, my breasts were bare for him to see, to touch, to feel, and that was the only thing that mattered. All coherent thought flew out of my mind when he began to kiss his way downward to my breasts, causing me to arch my back to arch into his mouth. My moans only encouraged even further, making him finally lave at my nipple with a hot tongue while he caressed and stroked the other breast. He kissed his way back up to my neck, then my lips, before pulling away and looking at me with lust-filled eyes.

"Tell me that you don't want me. Tell me that you don't want me, that you don't need me, and I'll stop right now. We'll stop this and never do this again if you look me in the eyes and tell me." He was daring me, testing me to see if I would say what he wanted to hear, and we both knew it. My breathing grew ragged as lyrics from a certain song popped into my head.

_I'm hooked on you  
I need a fix  
I can't take it  
Just one more hit  
I promise I can deal with it  
I'll handle it, quit it  
Just one more time  
Then that's it  
Just a little bit more to get me through this  
I'm hooked on you_

I looked at him defiantly, the retort on the tip of my tongue, just waiting to come out. Looking at him was the worst thing that I could have ever done. He had a look on his face that was a mixture of lust and what would be sadness if I were to say those words. He didn't want to end this, but I knew that I had to. I opened my mouth, ready to say those words.

_I don't want you, I don't need you. We're using each other, and it's killing me to do this._

Instead, I offered him no response and just stared back at him, disappointed in myself. He took my silence as an invitation to kiss me, and it was one of the greatest we'd ever shared. He pinned me against the wall, his mouth upon mine and his hands touching and rubbing me, making thought hard to come by. For that moment, I didn't care about the fact that what we were doing was wrong, I knew that I needed to have him one last time, and that would be it. While his lips occupied mine, he maneuvered us over to the bed, laying me down first and laying atop me.

"Tell me that you don't want this, V. Because I'm not going to have it be said that I raped you. Tell me that you want me to stop because if you don't, I know I won't be able to in a few minutes. If you don't say anything, then I'll know that you want this, and I'll take you over the edge and back again, just tell me what you want."

I bit my lip, knowing that what he had said was true. I would never accuse him of rape, but I still didn't know what to do. My head seemed to nod of its own accord, betraying me. He took my nod as a continue to go on, and I knew that I couldn't have stopped him even if I wanted to. His lips descended on mine, catching them in a fierce, nearly bruising kiss, our tongues grappling for control. I managed to wrap my legs around his lower thighs and flipped us over so I was on top.

"I need to be honest with you, Xander."

"Isn't this the wrong time to be playing the confession game?" he asked as he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

-Switch to Author's POV-

"I mean it. I want this, but I want this for the right reasons. I can't do this where we keep just having sex when there could be…um…." Vida trailed off. She looked anywhere but his eyes, for fear that he would find out how she really felt about him.

"Possible feelings?" Xander suggested quietly. Vida's head snapped up in surprise. Whatever she had been expecting him to say, it hadn't been that.

"Um, yeah, but what made you guess that?" Vida asked.

Xander shrugged. "I sort of figured it out on my own."

Vida shot him a look that clearly said "Don't mess with me". "I've never given you any reason to think that I like you. We've just been screwing, that's it. So what gives you the idea that I might have feelings for you?"

Xander moaned quietly. "Because I have feelings for you. I've had them for awhile now. I just didn't say anything because I didn't want you to completely freak out on me."

Vida smiled. "That's why I wanted to break things off. I fell for you, harder than I ever thought that I'd fall for anyone. I didn't know how to tell you or how you would react if I did tell you."

Xander swallowed before talking. "Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know. How about we finish this up first?" Vida replied with a naughty grin on her face as she rolled her hips forward. Xander let out a low groan, telling her that she was doing something right. Vida sealed her lips over his with a soft kiss before it quickly became passionate, heady, making both of them feel dizzy. Xander flipped them over so Vida was on her back looking up at him. He kissed and bit his way down to her breasts, kissing and suckling, making her go crazy with desire. His hands had worked their way down to her underwear and had tried pulling them off. He got frustrated and instead ripped them down the middle.

"Hey! Those were a favorite pair of mine!" Vida told him indignantly.

"Sorry, luv. Guess I'll just have to buy you another pair then," Xander grinned before he continued kissing his way down. He kissed his way past her belly button until he reached where he had been aiming for. Vida's body arched when she felt him, kissing and suckling her. His well-placed licks and bites on her were making her insides clench. Before she could go over the edge, Vida edged back from him while pulling him up to meet her lips in a fierce kiss. Vida flipped them over as they kissed; in one swift movement, he was sealed inside her scorching heat. Her hips grinded onto his in a well-known, practiced rhythm. His hands wandered down to her hips, grasping them both to help them both get that release that they both sought.

"Oh, god…Xander, I'm so close…..please…" Vida whimpered. Before she knew what had happened, Xander had flipped them so he was above her, thrusting into her with a needing frenzy.

"I love you, Vida." Those words were enough to make her fall over the edge. Her insides clenched around him, causing him to join her in the fall. They both laid there for several moments after that, breathing heavily and panting.

"That was….." Vida trailed off.

"Bloody amazing, is what that was. Got to do that more often," he replied with a naughty grin. Vida nodded in agreement.

"Give me a minute to rest though." Vida raised herself of him and rather than get up and leave, she snuggled into his side and laid her head on his chest.

"I love, Vida Rocca," Xander told her.

Vida laughed. "It's funny, those were the last words that I expected to hear coming from you today."

Xander chuckled. "I know what you mean. I didn't think you'd be telling them to me either. Do you think we could just try being together, maybe as more than friends that sleep with each other?"

"I think we can definitely try that," Vida grinned as she kissed him on the lips. She knew that she would never be cured of her addiction, and for the first time since she had come to see him, she felt completely happy and content knowing that.

Hehehe. I may do another fic or something similar to this; I'm not sure yet.


End file.
